Psoriasis, My Fiancé and Me

[D Foster]

I am with Jim, go with him the next time he sees the dermatologist and really lay it on, he really needs to get on to something that works much better than the ones he has tried , in UK the Stelara and the Fumaderm are both available on the NHS ,I don't know where you live but some area's are better than others . I have been very lucky as I have had the dam thing for 40 plus years and Mrs Dave has been very supportive ,it sounds like he is just as lucky.
The treatment has improved 10 fold since I started with it and I feel that if he can get on Stelara or Fumaderm ,I can't make any comment on the latter, but I was very severe indeed and the Stelara has changed my life.
I live on the East Coast and the dermatology is quite good here as it's run on contract to the NHS by a private company.
You take care Lexi and do try to get him on here , we are not like the normal forum site for a start we are all barmy.

[Fred]

Hello Lexidoll to Psoriasis Club.

What the others have said is what I would agree with. Get your Fiancé to push for Stelara or Fumaderm. *Fumaderm may not be available to him though as it's not available in all areas of the UK.

What you are describing is a classic problem and I have been there, see Mrs Fred's post here where she gave her opinion. Living with Fred

Unfortunately we can be horrible people to live with and we will take it out on our loved ones. However it doesn't mean we hate you it's just that you are there and we don't like even those closest to us mentioning psoriasis sometimes. You sound like you have put a huge amount of work into helping him and you are to be commended for your efforts, I know when I was younger I was an arsehole to live and although Mrs Fred was doing her best I still would bite her head off.

Even to this day she knows there are times that it's best to just leave me alone to get on with it. I no longer take it out on her as I've learnt over the years that she is always there for me, and since being on Stelara and getting my life back it's been a lot easier.

Now what you have to do is sit down together and get your cards on the table. You both have to accept that neither of you are to blame for him having psoriasis. You are not to blame for offering to help and when you say "It's time for the creams" he has to learn to accept that and get on with it. And in his defence he is not to blame for not doing his bit because he is getting himself in a rut. You both need to sit down calmly and discuss it. Psoriasis does effect both parties but in different ways. You will never understand how he feels, but he too will never understand how you feel.

Personally I would say forget the diets, and I've never seen enough proff that giving up drinking will help. (I've tried it and it made no difference, but if he is getting aggressive with drinking then Yes he needs to ease off a bit) You are a young couple with two children and have all your life ahead of you, so don't go and let psoriasis cock it up for you.

It's not easy for either of you, and he will probably not like the suggestion of sitting down and talking about it. But approach it calmly and explain that you are partnership and as such you would like to learn how to help him. Get a piece of paper and a pen each when the kids are in bed, and both of you right down 5 words to describe how psoriasis makes you feel (no sentences, just single words) Don't rush it, in fact why not enjoy a bottle of wing together whilst doing it. Once you have both finished writing you five words down swap the pieces of paper over and read what the other has written. If there is just one word in common then you have something to start discussing, if there isn't one word in common start again with another 5 words and keep doing this till you can calmly discus one of those words between you.

You need each other over this and you both have to work together because your baby too has psoriasis and he sure is going to need both his Mum and his Dad there to help him.

I understand him not being comfortable with discussion groups. I wasn't, and that is why I started Psoriasis Club. I wanted a place where I could feel comfortable, so I created one around me and now we have a fantastic bunch of people from all over the world. We may not always agree with each other, but we do respect each other and there is a huge amount of genuine support from others who do know how it feels.

Lexidoll I do hope you feel comfortable amongst us as we welcome those close to someone with psoriasis as much as those that have it. We will support you in the same way we would your Fiancé and your input could also be valuable to us as we do sometimes forget what it is like from the other side.  

I won't push about your Fiancé joining us. But I would encourage him to at least have a read through the public boards and see for himself that we are just people with psoriasis. If it would make you feel uncomfortable him being a member too, I'm happy to discuss it with you and maybe offer a solution. I would also like to offer your Fiancé the chance to join us as a member and have a look behind the scenes. I can set him up an account that will give him temporary access to the Members Only Boards so he can have a look around, if after a look he wants to keep his membership he is welcome to do so and he would be under no obligation to post. (I'm suggesting this because he may the public boards is not something for him, but he may feel more comfortable away from the public eye)

The biggest advise I could give. Would be work together on this for the sake of your Baby.

Regards.

Fred.

[Fred]

Sorry Lexidoll I owe you an apology. I misread where you mentioned your Baby and Jim has kindly pointed out to me that you were referring to your Fiancé and not one of your children.

No harm done, but I just wanted to let you know that Jim has given me a   for not paying attention.  

[JohnB]

Hi Lexidoll
I’m a little late coming on to this thread but I hope you have managed to return and coaxed your Fiancé to take a peek at the forum. We all suffer with psoriasis in one form or another, some to a considerable extent.
I can understand why he gets frustrated and short tempered, it can drag the best of us down. What us sufferers fail to remember sometimes is that this disease (because that is what it is it is, not a condition or a minor inconvenience) effects both people in a relationship. I can’t imagine how lost and out of control you feel at the present, but it does need talking about it because it wont go away without treatment. There is a point where the creams just don’t cut it and they shouldn’t be used long term or over too much of the body particularly with the steroid ones. It sounds like neither the MTX and Acetretin are failing him so something different is is needed.
If you have not got an appointment with a Dermatologist, he needs one and I would go with him, do some research and don’t be afraid to ask any of us. Most of us are tame and will freely exchange our experiences – there is no such thing as a stupid question on here.