Back Into Hell

[Brighteyes]

I didn't know whether or not to start a new thread, or even post this at all. But I feel I need to get this off my chest in a safe environment.

This latest relapse has been a big struggle physically but, as I knew it was coming, I was able to put some preparation into dealing with it on a day to day basis.
Despite all this I was still hit briefly by a sense of the sheer futility of living with psoriasis.

I was forced to give up work in 2010 whilst my Dermatologist and myself worked at getting the right treatment. I did briefly return on a part time basis last year but, even with treatment, spending 6+ hours a day on my feet was painful and draining. Long story short, I feel like I contribute nothing to my family. Financially the onus is on my partner. I try to spend quality time with my son but, this being my third 'relapse' in just under two years, he's getting so used to mummy being 'poorly'. I'm doing a Microsoft Office course online in the hope that, even in this time of austerity and unemployment, I may be able to secure a more sedentary job.

I worry for the future too and have awful visions of me as an old woman, struggling alone, isolated and in pain during my last days. Irrational, I know.

I know I shouldn't think like this, my partner is amazingly supportive and takes it all in his stride even when I break down and tell him he deserves better than to be stuck with me and my limitations. But these are the kind of things that go through my head, especially when I'm alone in the dark. It's like those damned pustules are bubbling and burning up inside my brain too. Sometimes Psoriasis messes with my head.

Anyway, just wanted to get that 'out there'.

[plonky]

Hells bells.

[Fred]

I didn't know whether or not to start a new thread, or even post this at all. But I feel I need to get this off my chest in a safe environment.

Start a new one or post on this one, doesn't matter. You have posted and that is what matters, and I'm glad to know you feel safe here. You left the old forum because you didn't want to burden people with your problems, but this time you are getting it off your chest at Psoriasis Club. And you have found out, no one thinks you are burdening them.

Despite all this I was still hit briefly by a sense of the sheer futility of living with psoriasis.

I had to Google futility "uselessness as a consequence of having no practical result." Well you can get that one out of your head, the result is you have psoriasis and you have come back to Psoriasis Club and we want you here.

I feel like I contribute nothing to my family. Financially the onus is on my partner. I try to spend quality time with my son but, this being my third 'relapse' in just under two years, he's getting so used to mummy being 'poorly'.

You contribute a lot by being you, your partner is obviously happy and he is still there to support you. And your son will learn to understand that there may be good days and bad days, but I'm sure you will find as he grows up he will support you too. Every boy loves his mum.

I'm doing a Microsoft Office course online in the hope that, even in this time of austerity and unemployment, I may be able to secure a more sedentary job.

That's a great idea, even if it doesn't get you a job it will help take your mind of things whilst you study.

I worry for the future too and have awful visions of me as an old woman, struggling alone, isolated and in pain during my last days. Irrational, I know.

Hey we all worry about the future sometimes especially as we get older, and yes you are being irrational. Hell I'm 58 now but it doesn't stop me having the mind of a 9 year old.

I know I shouldn't think like this, my partner is amazingly supportive and takes it all in his stride even when I break down and tell him he deserves better than to be stuck with me and my limitations. But these are the kind of things that go through my head, especially when I'm alone in the dark. It's like those damned pustules are bubbling and burning up inside my brain too. Sometimes Psoriasis messes with my head.

Don't tell your partner "he deserves better" he knows what he has got and he is still there, so there is nothing better for him. Psoriasis does mess with your head if you let it, but don't be alone in the dark, log-in at Psoriasis Club turn on the light and shout down the corridor, you know someone will come running.


Brighteyes you was a great asset on the old forum and you have helped a lot of people in the past. You have now come back to us and already you are taking the time to answer others posts if you can, and you always answer the introductions. Helping others makes you feel good, and if you feel good, we feel good.

Now it's your turn to make the Coffee.

[Brighteyes]

*slurps coffee*

It was a double strength one.

And there you have my scheduled mini-breakdown.
Of course, my rational head knows everything you replied Fred is correct.
It's just that, every so often, my brain gets hijacked by Marvin The Paranoid Android.

I'm back to normal now..........whatever normal is.

[plonky]

.

[Brighteyes]

Sorry I've been quiet over the weekend (though some would see that as a blessing). There's been intense discussions in the Boardman household since we learnt that my O/H is to be made redundant next month.

Toying with an idea to write and produce our own short films (not erotica so don't get too excited Fred).

My psoriasis is calming down fast. In fact I'll be popping out for a gentle walk this afternoon. Forgotten what the real world looks like.

[Fred]

Sorry I've been quiet over the weekend (though some would see that as a blessing). There's been intense discussions in the Boardman household since we learnt that my O/H is to be made redundant next month.

Sorry to hear that, though sometimes redundancy can be a blessing in disguise. You get some dosh and the chance to go in a new direction.

Toying with an idea to write and produce our own short films (not erotica so don't get too excited Fred).

Oh and I was thinking of getting my String Thong out.

My psoriasis is calming down fast. In fact I'll be popping out for a gentle walk this afternoon. Forgotten what the real world looks like.

That's great news.

[Brighteyes]

I feel sooooooo run down.

My feet are still problematic despite the meds but I have to balance this with the fact that I may not have given myself enough time yet to heal properly.
Only had them back for less than a fortnight and have already been gadding about into town and stuff. I am an idiot.

I am my own worst enemy sometimes.

Ah well, not long now until we'll be soaking up some Greek sunshine.

[Caroline]

.

Ah well, not long now until we'll be soaking up some Greek sunshine.

Ohhhh,
You are going to Greece !
Great place, indeed lots of healing sun. Nice people. And beautiful artefacts.
Have there been myself also. Liked Methony very much.

[Fred]

Mmmmm Bathing in yoghurt, that could help.