Back Into Hell

[Brighteyes]

Well it didn't take long for the bough to break.

I walked to the local shops on Thursday and it was hell. I was lucky my O/H was with me to carry the small amount of shopping I bought. He had to go on ahead whilst I hobbled back. Bless his heart, he had a bowl of water for me to stick my feet in and a medicinal cup of tea ready.

When I peeled off my socks there was blood. I'd managed to acquire a few skin tears. To make matters worse (and I'm sure it wasn't related) I began to be sick. It was a most uncomfortable night.

And if that wasn't enough I woke up on Saturday morning and the bed & carpet were covered in skin. I'd been scratching my feet in my sleep. And, yes, there was blood and skin tears again.

I confess that the last few days have really got me down again and all that self recrimination is flooding back. The Black Dog has me by the throat and is snarling at me for being an old, ugly and useless cripple .

Sorry to be so graphic, I just really need to get it off my chest. As ever, I keep a smile on my face for my O/H and our boy but when they're asleep I just cry.

I've decided to up my meds back to 300mg and try to get back on top of things. I just don't know what else to do.