Health Boards
Fri-14-06-2013, 02:39 AM
I didn't know whether or not to start a new thread, or even post this at all. But I feel I need to get this off my chest in a safe environment.
This latest relapse has been a big struggle physically but, as I knew it was coming, I was able to put some preparation into dealing with it on a day to day basis.
Despite all this I was still hit briefly by a sense of the sheer futility of living with psoriasis.
I was forced to give up work in 2010 whilst my Dermatologist and myself worked at getting the right treatment. I did briefly return on a part time basis last year but, even with treatment, spending 6+ hours a day on my feet was painful and draining. Long story short, I feel like I contribute nothing to my family. Financially the onus is on my partner. I try to spend quality time with my son but, this being my third 'relapse' in just under two years, he's getting so used to mummy being 'poorly'. I'm doing a Microsoft Office course online in the hope that, even in this time of austerity and unemployment, I may be able to secure a more sedentary job.
I worry for the future too and have awful visions of me as an old woman, struggling alone, isolated and in pain during my last days. Irrational, I know.
I know I shouldn't think like this, my partner is amazingly supportive and takes it all in his stride even when I break down and tell him he deserves better than to be stuck with me and my limitations. But these are the kind of things that go through my head, especially when I'm alone in the dark. It's like those damned pustules are bubbling and burning up inside my brain too. Sometimes Psoriasis messes with my head.
Anyway, just wanted to get that 'out there'.
This latest relapse has been a big struggle physically but, as I knew it was coming, I was able to put some preparation into dealing with it on a day to day basis.
Despite all this I was still hit briefly by a sense of the sheer futility of living with psoriasis.
I was forced to give up work in 2010 whilst my Dermatologist and myself worked at getting the right treatment. I did briefly return on a part time basis last year but, even with treatment, spending 6+ hours a day on my feet was painful and draining. Long story short, I feel like I contribute nothing to my family. Financially the onus is on my partner. I try to spend quality time with my son but, this being my third 'relapse' in just under two years, he's getting so used to mummy being 'poorly'. I'm doing a Microsoft Office course online in the hope that, even in this time of austerity and unemployment, I may be able to secure a more sedentary job.
I worry for the future too and have awful visions of me as an old woman, struggling alone, isolated and in pain during my last days. Irrational, I know.
I know I shouldn't think like this, my partner is amazingly supportive and takes it all in his stride even when I break down and tell him he deserves better than to be stuck with me and my limitations. But these are the kind of things that go through my head, especially when I'm alone in the dark. It's like those damned pustules are bubbling and burning up inside my brain too. Sometimes Psoriasis messes with my head.
Anyway, just wanted to get that 'out there'.