Health Boards
Mon-21-03-2016, 20:26 PM
Hello Lexidoll 
to Psoriasis Club.
What the others have said is what I would agree with. Get your Fiancé to push for Stelara or Fumaderm. *Fumaderm may not be available to him though as it's not available in all areas of the UK.
What you are describing is a classic problem and I have been there, see Mrs Fred's post here where she gave her opinion. Living with Fred
Unfortunately we can be horrible people to live with and we will take it out on our loved ones. However it doesn't mean we hate you it's just that you are there and we don't like even those closest to us mentioning psoriasis sometimes. You sound like you have put a huge amount of work into helping him and you are to be commended for your efforts, I know when I was younger I was an arsehole to live and although Mrs Fred was doing her best I still would bite her head off.
Even to this day she knows there are times that it's best to just leave me alone to get on with it. I no longer take it out on her as I've learnt over the years that she is always there for me, and since being on Stelara and getting my life back it's been a lot easier.
Now what you have to do is sit down together and get your cards on the table. You both have to accept that neither of you are to blame for him having psoriasis. You are not to blame for offering to help and when you say "It's time for the creams" he has to learn to accept that and get on with it. And in his defence he is not to blame for not doing his bit because he is getting himself in a rut. You both need to sit down calmly and discuss it. Psoriasis does effect both parties but in different ways. You will never understand how he feels, but he too will never understand how you feel.
Personally I would say forget the diets, and I've never seen enough proff that giving up drinking will help. (I've tried it and it made no difference, but if he is getting aggressive with drinking then Yes he needs to ease off a bit) You are a young couple with two children and have all your life ahead of you, so don't go and let psoriasis cock it up for you.
It's not easy for either of you, and he will probably not like the suggestion of sitting down and talking about it. But approach it calmly and explain that you are partnership and as such you would like to learn how to help him. Get a piece of paper and a pen each when the kids are in bed, and both of you right down 5 words to describe how psoriasis makes you feel (no sentences, just single words) Don't rush it, in fact why not enjoy a bottle of wing together whilst doing it. Once you have both finished writing you five words down swap the pieces of paper over and read what the other has written. If there is just one word in common then you have something to start discussing, if there isn't one word in common start again with another 5 words and keep doing this till you can calmly discus one of those words between you.
You need each other over this and you both have to work together because your baby too has psoriasis and he sure is going to need both his Mum and his Dad there to help him.
I understand him not being comfortable with discussion groups. I wasn't, and that is why I started Psoriasis Club. I wanted a place where I could feel comfortable, so I created one around me and now we have a fantastic bunch of people from all over the world. We may not always agree with each other, but we do respect each other and there is a huge amount of genuine support from others who do know how it feels.
Lexidoll I do hope you feel comfortable amongst us as we welcome those close to someone with psoriasis as much as those that have it. We will support you in the same way we would your Fiancé and your input could also be valuable to us as we do sometimes forget what it is like from the other side.
I won't push about your Fiancé joining us. But I would encourage him to at least have a read through the public boards and see for himself that we are just people with psoriasis. If it would make you feel uncomfortable him being a member too, I'm happy to discuss it with you and maybe offer a solution. I would also like to offer your Fiancé the chance to join us as a member and have a look behind the scenes. I can set him up an account that will give him temporary access to the Members Only Boards so he can have a look around, if after a look he wants to keep his membership he is welcome to do so and he would be under no obligation to post. (I'm suggesting this because he may the public boards is not something for him, but he may feel more comfortable away from the public eye)
The biggest advise I could give. Would be work together on this for the sake of your Baby.
Regards.
Fred.
to Psoriasis Club.What the others have said is what I would agree with. Get your Fiancé to push for Stelara or Fumaderm. *Fumaderm may not be available to him though as it's not available in all areas of the UK.
What you are describing is a classic problem and I have been there, see Mrs Fred's post here where she gave her opinion. Living with Fred
Unfortunately we can be horrible people to live with and we will take it out on our loved ones. However it doesn't mean we hate you it's just that you are there and we don't like even those closest to us mentioning psoriasis sometimes. You sound like you have put a huge amount of work into helping him and you are to be commended for your efforts, I know when I was younger I was an arsehole to live and although Mrs Fred was doing her best I still would bite her head off.
Even to this day she knows there are times that it's best to just leave me alone to get on with it. I no longer take it out on her as I've learnt over the years that she is always there for me, and since being on Stelara and getting my life back it's been a lot easier.
Now what you have to do is sit down together and get your cards on the table. You both have to accept that neither of you are to blame for him having psoriasis. You are not to blame for offering to help and when you say "It's time for the creams" he has to learn to accept that and get on with it. And in his defence he is not to blame for not doing his bit because he is getting himself in a rut. You both need to sit down calmly and discuss it. Psoriasis does effect both parties but in different ways. You will never understand how he feels, but he too will never understand how you feel.
Personally I would say forget the diets, and I've never seen enough proff that giving up drinking will help. (I've tried it and it made no difference, but if he is getting aggressive with drinking then Yes he needs to ease off a bit) You are a young couple with two children and have all your life ahead of you, so don't go and let psoriasis cock it up for you.
It's not easy for either of you, and he will probably not like the suggestion of sitting down and talking about it. But approach it calmly and explain that you are partnership and as such you would like to learn how to help him. Get a piece of paper and a pen each when the kids are in bed, and both of you right down 5 words to describe how psoriasis makes you feel (no sentences, just single words) Don't rush it, in fact why not enjoy a bottle of wing together whilst doing it. Once you have both finished writing you five words down swap the pieces of paper over and read what the other has written. If there is just one word in common then you have something to start discussing, if there isn't one word in common start again with another 5 words and keep doing this till you can calmly discus one of those words between you.
You need each other over this and you both have to work together because your baby too has psoriasis and he sure is going to need both his Mum and his Dad there to help him.
I understand him not being comfortable with discussion groups. I wasn't, and that is why I started Psoriasis Club. I wanted a place where I could feel comfortable, so I created one around me and now we have a fantastic bunch of people from all over the world. We may not always agree with each other, but we do respect each other and there is a huge amount of genuine support from others who do know how it feels.
Lexidoll I do hope you feel comfortable amongst us as we welcome those close to someone with psoriasis as much as those that have it. We will support you in the same way we would your Fiancé and your input could also be valuable to us as we do sometimes forget what it is like from the other side.
I won't push about your Fiancé joining us. But I would encourage him to at least have a read through the public boards and see for himself that we are just people with psoriasis. If it would make you feel uncomfortable him being a member too, I'm happy to discuss it with you and maybe offer a solution. I would also like to offer your Fiancé the chance to join us as a member and have a look behind the scenes. I can set him up an account that will give him temporary access to the Members Only Boards so he can have a look around, if after a look he wants to keep his membership he is welcome to do so and he would be under no obligation to post. (I'm suggesting this because he may the public boards is not something for him, but he may feel more comfortable away from the public eye)
The biggest advise I could give. Would be work together on this for the sake of your Baby.
Regards.
Fred.